It's decided, for now

Pete's death made it clear to me that I need to actually do the things I've wanted to do. I could go into it all, and explain where my head is, but really it's obvious. I mean, we only have a short time here, why spend it wallowing and wondering? So, it's on. I've talked to both of my bosses and the move out west is back on. I told them that in an ideal world I would go in September when my lease is up, but that if I had to go sooner I would figure it out. Now that I've decided I want to do it now, I hate waiting.

It ain't right

You're not supposed to bury your 34 year old friends, you're just not. It's wrong and I would give anything to not be doing it. I had a dream that Pete was in last night but I can't remember what was happening. It was nice to see him. I hope to have a few more.

One surprising side effect of this has been I haven't really thought about Kevin at all, other than to think how strange it feels to not think about him. Maybe Pete's death is the shock to my system that I needed, something horrible to snap me out of it. I don't know. All I know is that I hate this.

Enough already

You know what I hate, really really hate? Heroin. Heroin needs to disappear already. I mean, come on. It as now taken not one but two people of importance to me in the past 10 months and I say enough.

Sunday, February 6 around 6 or 7am my dear friend Peter decided it would be a great idea to celebrate the end of his 34th birthday by coming home and reportedly doing a bunch of heroin and then not waking up again. Really, you stupid piece of crap drug. You're that great that you have to kill this really sweet guy who was so goofy and genuine. Yes, I know, the people who do heroin are really the ones making the choice and they could just not do it and blah blah blah. And don't worry, I'm pretty mad at Pete. But fuck. Enough already. I don't want to be sad anymore about missing my people. I want them not to die anymore. Okay? So leave the rest of my friends alone, heroin. 

SNOW!!!!!

My, oh my, did we have a snow storm. There was snow thunder and lightning, 20+ inches of snow, 50-60 mph winds. Nutzo!!! I've shoveled twice today and once yesterday and boy are my arms tired but at least you can see the stairs, there's a path on the sidewalk and a walkway from the sidewalk to the back. My car may never move again because there's five feet of snow in the alley. The joys on winter. I wanted a snow storm and I got one.