i miss

so many things but today i miss my friends the most. i feel like everyone is so far away, even the close ones. suddenly, i'm sad.

snow=stupid

it's snowing. it snowed. it's slushy. it's not so cold. it's just stupid. i hate it. lola loves it. ugh.

went out last night, saw peoria people. it was nice. shared ridiculous boy stories with brandy. talked dogs with mikey. talked about neighborhood violence with stan. yay old friends.

i am starving. i wish i could go to the gym more, that i was more motivated, but it would be motivated to be less soft, more healthy.

this blog feels weird. i'm not feeling very conflicted about anything.

i have missed my savings goal yet again. i only have 2720. $280 short of what i wanted to have. not seeing don is really screwing it up.

oh no!

today, on my way to bill and nancy's, i witnessed a dog get hit by a fed ex truck. i don't know if it died, but it's a pretty safe assumption. i saw it under the wheel. the tongue was hanging out. his legs were in the air. his owners were trying to get him. i cried like a fucking baby.

i had a dream about gossip girl characters last night. that is so lame.

i am so tired that i am having trouble staying awake. it's only 9:50pm. so early.

and that was a date

i went on a date last night. i don't know if it's him or the fact that i feel temporary here or that my mind is somewhere else, but i just wasn't into. he's nice, which is something. and he seems to be really into me, so that's nice, but all i can say about him is nice. i feel nothing. no spark. no butterflies, at all. none. not even a little mothlike one. nothing. he asked me out again. i don't really have time next week, i'm trying to plan a ladies night and want to see nicki and morrissey and bradley reunion. excuses, excuses, just not feeling it. my mind/heart, still with pk and that sounds so fucking pathetic. it's not like i think about him all the time, but that's who my mind goes to in my sleep, who i try to be in when i dream.

i had a dream last night that i was hanging out with andy, from austin. i was showing him my engagement ring and wedding band. it was this super nice antique ring. want to get married much? not so much that i'm going to pretend.

i have all these plans tonight. it's betty's birthday and young widows are at the beat kitchen. i'm going to watch lost, eat some chocolate, walk the dog, and go out more tonight than i have in the past couple of weeks.

i. am. lame.

so fucking bored/annoyed

i went to work today, on my day off, when i could have been at ikea, for fucking nothing. i came for this stupid training session, which got canceled 15 minutes after it started because they were having vc problems. so annoyed. stupid corporate crap. i sat here for a couple of hours sorta working on my self assessment. at least i get paid for that. i have to wait until 4:30 to pick up my visa, so im just sitting here. ggrrrr.

massage room is somewhat ready. i fit everything i needed to into the closet,the futon is in the kitchen. i need to get the door knob fixed so i can keep the cats out of that room. they like to go where i don't want them to.

i moved everything by myself. pretty impressive.

i'm sick of sneezing.

i stink

i smell like korean bbq. mat and i went and ate super delicious food. they give you all these little bowls filled with stuff and then let you cook your own meat. it was pretty awesome. everything was delicious. there was this seaweed salad on one bowl, and some sort of apple salad in another and whole cloves of garlic for cooking and shit that i didn't recognize but ate anyway. i love not restricting my food intake. it makes eating an adventure.

i am not doing so great with the money saving. i mean, i'm giving it a shot but i totally fail. i went to fancy delicious dinner with nicki on tuesday and just had delicious $20 dinner with mat. but it's all so good. i would hate to miss it.

i'm going to try to finagle my way into some yelp reviews. i think tomorrow i'm going to turn the office into a massage room and start seeing people at the house. it would make things a lot easier and i could really make good money. i could still do outcalls, but i would charge more. i need to get dan sharkey to get my webpage back up.

lola's trying to pick which toy she wants out of the box. it's super cute.

i took the plastic down today. i could take the stuffiness no longer. it felt so good, but it's kinda cold in here now. oh well. i totally sat on the porch today and it was worth it.

how do you tell someone you think they made a huge mistake?

bicycles and garlic

man. i have some garlic breath. i ate a bunch of garlic at this super delicious restaurant with nicki tonight. it's always nice to see her,b ut always feel like i will fuck something up, say the wrong thing. her belly is getting bigger and its' cute. i can't wait for her to have the little monkey. i just hope it's not when i'm in india. i think she's bummed out that i'm not having a birthday dinner this year.

i rode my bike up to the chiro office today and got the best surprise...nancy offered me $20/hr to do the billing, and offered to back pay me for the work i've already done. i did 3.5 hours just today and have to go back on saturday to do insurance bills and patient reminders. it will be nice to make a few hundred extra dollars.

jackie is pregnant. it's definitely a surprise.

pk sent me links to houses he's interested in. he also asked me if i wanted to take his roommate's rooms when they move out in june. sigh. friendship.

forgot to tell you

i saw an orthodox jew on stilts, just walking down the street.

went to michigan this weekend for meaghan's birthday and i got to see her family. they crack me up. it's like the fun family that i never had. i mean, of course i had a family, but we aren't really any fun. i went to lunch with my uncle, grandpa and parents today and my grandpa never speaks, my uncle talks incessently about cameras and my parents...i don't know. my mom sat across the table from me this morning, sorta staring at me. i asked her what she was doing and she said 'nothing. you're just pretty'. i told her she was being creepy.

meaghan's party was fun. erin showed up post a horrible wedding event and was incredibly wasted and kept telling me the same stories over and over again. i felt kinda bad about letting her drive home, but i did try to get her to stay and i wasn't about to tackle her in the hallway, but maybe i should have. lola and i visited kevin. he looks a little chubby. it was nice to see him, even though he's all stressed out and unhappy, but i feel like that's how he's been forever. first it was about me and now about kathy. he'll maybe never be happy. he goes from happy and in love to sad and miserable and alone. there's never an alone and ok phase with him. his mom tried to accuse us of going to the store to buy booze, which is pretty funny. i'm pretty much the last person who would be doing that. i didn't even realize what she was talking about at first, but then figured out that she thought we left to get vodka when really i just wanted a blank dvd so i could steal a bunch of music.

i think he and i have reached a point where we can be friends. i don't think this would have been possible before he started seeing kathy, although he made comments about being glad that i wasn't going to make out with anyone at meaghan's party and that i looked pretty and when he asked me about la and i told him where i thought i would live he said 'is that where pk lives?' all snide. but, whatever. erin said that he's too big of a project and i shouldn't even be his friend, but he's not my project anymore so...

this old man did the most ass holey thing to me. i stopped at the gas station in indiana and went into the station. when i came out, there was a dude in front of my in a truck that was towing some sort of big machine so i couldn't pull forward to get out, i would have had to back out. when i went to turn my car on, i saw this old man stop behind me, perpendicular to me, and get out of his car. he then proceeds to walk toward my pump...so i get out of the car and ask him to let me out before he starts pumping. he proceeds to tell me that he's not moving, and when i ask him who does that? and told him he was an ass hole he told me that i was an ass hole. i yelled at him some more and then had to just sit in my car and wait. arg. so frustrating.

INDIA

so i'm not so much of a spur of the moment kind of gal. i like to plan things, think about things, think about planning things and then think about them some more.

this morning sharon posted on facebook that she found an india deal that she can't use. when i got back from the gym i asked her about it. she sent me the link. i immediately told her that i'm all in and that we should go. i will just do that instead of going to new york. so, she booked it. it's booked. i'm going to india june 8-15. i know, this does not seem to be very condusive to my savings plan, but the whole thing cost $1200, airfare plus fees and taxes, and hotels and getting from one city to the other and touring the taj ma hal and all this other stuff. it's totally insane, and i couldn't pass it up. sure, i'll need to fly to new york first, but that's ok. it will add a couple hundred dollars to it. maybe i will fly out of detroit and bring the dog up to my parents, or maybe i will see if ea will stay here.

i'm more excited about this than i have been about anything in a long time. it will be so good to travel with sharon again, too. we travel really well together and she always does a ton of research. on my way to work i bought a lonely travel guide. i almost missed my bus stop on my way home because i was reading it.

so, yeah. oops. i'm going to india!!!!

well that was distracting

davo and i were finally able to see watchmen tonight. lanny joined us. it was pretty good but the blue penis was distracting.

for some reason it's 60 degrees, at least it was the last time i was outside. now it's probably cold and raining. it's supposed to drop to the 20s. stupid weather.

i did a pilates class this morning which kicked my ass. i'm going to try to do this more regularly. i was totally unable to do any actual work out work after. i was thinking about yoga tomorrow but i really don't like her yoga class.

my spine hurts.

well that was frustrating

davo and i went to the imax to see watchmen...well, we waited and waited and waited in the theater. about 40 minutes after our movie was supposed to come on the dude came on the mic and told us that the projector was broken and we had to get refunds or rainchecks. we exhanged our tickets for tuesday. we'll try try agian.

it's been raining almost non-stop for about two days now. lola just loves it. i took a cab six blocks home from the bar last night.

i don't know why i bother going to the bar. i'd almost rather do nothing.

tonight i'm going to rainbo for the first time in almost a month. i'm bringing the cupcakes.

there's been a lot of baseball on, so it's been pretty great.

i think i saved about another $100 this week. we'll see.

I AM SO BORED!!!

60s

oh my. the weather has been pretty nice. i rode hank to work yesterday and today. it would be nice for it to be this way all the time. the bike is spectacular. i totally need to start working harder for myself to be back in bike shape. 8 miles a day is tough.

i talked to kevin. he's an idiot.

sharon offered to drive with me to california. she just volunteered. it made me really excited about leaving. having her come with me would be pretty great. she said she would probably take off a week and a half or two weeks to go with me. i found a really cheap place out there. so, we'll see what happens.

it's too bad the economy is so bad. it makes doing this a little tougher.

oops

i totally forgot to report that i have save $1900 so far. that's not too bad, so it's also not growing very quickly. i really need to get a hold of don.

in completely different, in fact almost opposite, news my dinner tonight at custom house was so fucking good. i had duck prosciutto, veal cheeks with purred potatoes and a little bread with marrow on it. oh my fucking god. marrow is so delicious. i had no idea. it's so good. there was chocolate mousse cake for dessert. it was overall and excellent meal.

the snow continues and the temperature is low....stupid lion. i'm ready for the fucking lamb already and it's just the second day of march.

i wish that i had exciting things to say here right now but i've been completely hibernating due to this weather. i have missed three weeks in a row of sunday night rainbo and i feel like i have no idea what is going on with christina. i spent all last night downloading music and chatting. molly did come over and get a massage but other than that my day was pretty much lost.

i really need to start eating better and going to the gym more. i went on saturday and it wasn't that bad. i was going to get up early today and go, but i decided that i would be too rushed so i'm going to go after my lunch date with carol.

sometimes i just feel like screaming.

so that happened

yesterday i checked into where kevin might be...turns out he's in jail. his sister posted something on his facebook page. no details about for what or for how long...i'm very curious.

last night i went to see ea's new band play at ronny's. it was like being in my basement in college. a lot of my friends were there, a lot of them from peoria...the drinks were retardedly expensive for such a small size. lanny and i met erin at this party after the show that was in a garden apartment. it was for this girl that i don't really know. she was super wasted. there were maybe ten people there, twelve tops, and the cops broke it up. erin was drinking tang and tangueray. gross. when the cops came we all went upstairs. it was so weird. who goes to parties when they're 30 that get broken up by cops?

it snowed again. this weather blows. it can totally eat a dick.

i talked to phil yesteray. he's leaving for la in may. it made me excited about going again.