moments

There are times when I still get sad about the people I've lost in the past year and a half...when the feeling comes back....When I can physically feel what it was like to sit on the floor in front of my bedroom barely able to breathe. The moments I wish my brain would erase but they seem to be permanently embedded in there without any hope to them leaving. I hate these times. I hate that these people are gone. I asked the question long ago if it gets easier, and it is but it's still not easy. 

Sometimes you breakdown

I had a moment tonight, during the 13th hour after I left my house for work when I was still not home, when I realized how much time I spend on the stupid shuttle. Let me clarify, I like the fact that there's a shuttle, that I don't have to drive myself, to work but I am not a person built to sit in one place for 2.5 hours each day. I hate it. I really love my job but I can't see myself doing this commute forever. I will leave Google before I do this for the next five years (which says a lot because I've been know to say that I will work for Google for the rest of my career). I miss my friends. I miss my apartment. I miss my clients, both private and at the office. this adjustment is really difficult.