oops

i totally forgot to report that i have save $1900 so far. that's not too bad, so it's also not growing very quickly. i really need to get a hold of don.

in completely different, in fact almost opposite, news my dinner tonight at custom house was so fucking good. i had duck prosciutto, veal cheeks with purred potatoes and a little bread with marrow on it. oh my fucking god. marrow is so delicious. i had no idea. it's so good. there was chocolate mousse cake for dessert. it was overall and excellent meal.

the snow continues and the temperature is low....stupid lion. i'm ready for the fucking lamb already and it's just the second day of march.

i wish that i had exciting things to say here right now but i've been completely hibernating due to this weather. i have missed three weeks in a row of sunday night rainbo and i feel like i have no idea what is going on with christina. i spent all last night downloading music and chatting. molly did come over and get a massage but other than that my day was pretty much lost.

i really need to start eating better and going to the gym more. i went on saturday and it wasn't that bad. i was going to get up early today and go, but i decided that i would be too rushed so i'm going to go after my lunch date with carol.

sometimes i just feel like screaming.

so that happened

yesterday i checked into where kevin might be...turns out he's in jail. his sister posted something on his facebook page. no details about for what or for how long...i'm very curious.

last night i went to see ea's new band play at ronny's. it was like being in my basement in college. a lot of my friends were there, a lot of them from peoria...the drinks were retardedly expensive for such a small size. lanny and i met erin at this party after the show that was in a garden apartment. it was for this girl that i don't really know. she was super wasted. there were maybe ten people there, twelve tops, and the cops broke it up. erin was drinking tang and tangueray. gross. when the cops came we all went upstairs. it was so weird. who goes to parties when they're 30 that get broken up by cops?

it snowed again. this weather blows. it can totally eat a dick.

i talked to phil yesteray. he's leaving for la in may. it made me excited about going again.

stuff and things

There's this moment, especially here at Google, when the massage is done and the person is leaving and it's when they should tip but they're either not going to or they left it in the bowl in the room, and we just sorta look at each other awkwardly and i try to say something that sounds professional like 'drink extra water. if you're sore ice' while they look at me and i look at them .....and yeah. it's uncomfortable sometimes.

last night i had a really unpleasant dream. i was jogging in la with lola and kate walsh (weird, huh). we were running on grass, but there were all these pits in it, deep ones, that we kept having to jump over. lola and i were doing a really good job and then lola sorta fell behind and i looked back just in time to see her fall into a big hole. she was trying to hang on with her front paws but she couldn't get herself back up and she fell in. i ran over to the hole, which was giant but she was gone. i woke up hyperventillating. lola was sleeping next to me. it was a really unpleasant way to wake up.

i think i'm going to name my bike hank. it's full name will be henry bacon, but i will never use it. i've just been thinking about the name henry, and then last night i was telling ines about this totally discusting bacon donut sandwhich thing i saw a picture of that made me a little sick just to think about and she said 'everything with you is about bacon' so...bacon it is.

thunder

It's thundering. It's raining. It's supposed to get cold tonight, which isn't very exciting. I don't mind rain but this is sorta a shitty way for it to do it.

I'm tired, so tired. I wish life would be less tiring. How does that happen?

I've been eating a lot of vegetarian food this week.

I think I'm ready to move.

i want to ride my bicycle

My new bicycle totally rules. I bought it yesterday and I love love love it. It still needs a name, and no I will not be naming it buttcycle, or viscosity for that matter. But, yeah, it's awesome. If it were just ten degrees warmer I would totally be riding it to work today. It's supposed to be warm tomorrow but it's going to rain.

I failed at going to the dentist today. I suck. It makes me totally annoyed.

Today I feel ok with moving. Tomorrow probably not.

and breath

The breath holding continues.

I wish that I could wake up every morning with resolve to do something, instead of doubt and questions, just resolve. Sometimes I wake up and think that my plan is great, that things will be great. Sometimes I wake up feeling nostalgic for this city and this life. Sometimes I wake up and wish I could just stay in bed. Why why why am i so unsure about everything?

I saw the movie Doubt with Davo today. I thought it was good, but not great. I thought all of the performances were excellent and I hope that Phillip Seymore Hoffman gets something.

Tonight is the Oscars. I really don't care that much, but I do like to see the arrivals for the dresses. Kevin always loved the fashion.